Mindy & Jody and Ben & Jerry
by Anna Lane
Summary: Mindy comes home from a family vacation to find Jody crashing at her place - and not in the house-sitting capacity she imagined when she asked him to look in on her apartment. Light M. Takes place shortly after Morgan moves in with Colette. Southern Spice Oneshot. Mindy/Jody


**A/N: Inspired by how gosh-darn good Jody/Dillahunt looked in that one episode. What's that you say? He looks good in every episode? Agreed.**

 **Read, review, rant, rave, tell me I spelled manhood wrong. Tell me your absolute favorite B &J flavor, whatever. I dig it all. ~AL**

* * *

Mindy slammed into her apartment, let go of her suitcase, and dropped her duffel. She didn't bother to turn on the lights, but made a beeline for her freezer. One hand lovingly caressed two cylindrical containers. Let's see, who did she want to spend the night with? Jimmy Fallon or Stephen Colbert? Tonight Dough or Americone Dream?

In honor of her return to America, she decided on Stephen. Oh yes, just her, Ben & Jerry, and Stephen – "aargh!" She screamed at the shadowy figure just visible by the light of the freezer. She unthinkingly chucked her precious pint of ice cream towards the threat – and screamed yet again when the intruder grunted. With a warrior cry, she launched Jimmy, too.

The figure fell over.

She ran over to the light switch by the door. She flipped the switch and tried not to panic as she rummaged behind the coat rack next to the entrance, looking for the baseball bat Danny had insisted she keep even after they broke up.

She grabbed the heavy aluminum club and raced back to the kitchen. If she'd had time, she would go for her gun, but she didn't want to risk passing the kitchen on her way to the bedroom.

She hovered over the huddled figure, with the bat above her head and coiled to strike when the man groaned and turned over.

"Oh my god, Jody!" Mindy bought the bat down so quickly that she didn't have time to realize he was also sitting up. She ended up clipping him in the shoulder.

He fell back down. "Mindy, I had imagined being your guest would be more pleasurable."

Mindy gaped like a fish. Had that been a flirt? Was Jody _flirting_ with her? "Well maybe if you stop showing up at my house drunk!"

He didn't make a move to sit up. "You asked me to collect your mail, if you recall.

"Yeah, not to stay over when you were too drunk to get back home," she protested.

And he had been staying over, she was sure. He was in an open fuzzy white robe and a cotton t-shirt and boxers. Her eyes lingered on the surprisingly inviting ensemble. Somehow she'd suspected he'd wear something silkier – and smarmier.

"I'm from the south, Mindy. Those undergarments would get much too hot. And I'll be damned if I let the godforsaken frozen north change who I am."

Mindy realized she must have spoken out loud, still out of it from the return flight. She didn't say any more. He was looking like she'd be really comfortable in his arms.

She crossed her arms instead of folding into his on the floor. "Why are you here, Jody?"

"I had a fight with Colette." He looked at her like a puppy.

"You don't live with Colette anymore!"

"I know, and I couldn't face goin' home alone one more night." He sat up and rubbed the side of his face.

"So you decided to sleep alone in my home, instead?"

"I've had better ideas, admittedly. But I can hear so much more noise from your tiny apartment and miniscule bedroom – like your morally loose neighbor and sporadic incidences of smashing glass that I can only assume come from car robberies – oh, and an eerie howling that must be coming from no less than _fourteen_ alley cats in heat – it's like I'm not alone, at all!"

Mindy helped him up angrily. "My neighborhood is excellent, I'll have you know." Her cheeks suddenly flushed. "You slept in my room?" She tried to remember what state her bed had been in before she left.

He had a strange look on his face. "After I removed the baguette from beneath the covers, of course." He gave her a sidelong glance. "And the thong."

Mindy couldn't think of how to respond – there were so few ways to talk to someone once they'd touched your dirty underwear – so her hand tightened on the bat instead.

"In fact, I did your laundry. And the dishes. And I eradicated the black mold in your shower."

Mindy was at a loss for a very different reason, then. "I didn't know you knew how to do any of those things." She wasn't sure _she_ knew how to do all of those things.

"I have been a bachelor for quite some time. One acquires certain skills."

"Apparently, one of those skills makes you very good at staying at people's apartments when they don't want you there."

"Just as you have learned to repel male intruders." He nodded to her ice cream. "And I don't mean by throwing it."

Mindy ignored the dig and shrieked. "My ice cream!"

She rushed to save them and inspect their insides. "Oh thank god, only a little melty." She quickly put them into the Freezer E.R. so they would regain their consistency.

"I like melted ice cream."

"You are obviously Satan." Mindy closed the freezer door firmly. "And further proof being that you ruined my ice cream schedule. Now it won't be ready 'til _after_ Family Feud. And I like to have my frozen treat _during._ "

"Why –?"

"Because ice cream is good," Mindy interrupted. "And Steve Harvey is good. And together they reach levels of pleasure that no man has ever given me."

"What on God's green Earth are you talking about?"

His face was twisted in confusion and Mindy felt the need to justify herself. "I enjoy it when Steve belittles people. And I like his ties. And did you see that Miss America pageant?" She shook her head as if savoring the memory. "Delicious."

"No, I meant: why are you here?"

"In my apartment?"

He clenched his jaw. "In America!"

"Oh, that. Danny sent me home because I was being too 'childish.' Whatever." She rolled her eyes. "That old Indian woman had no right to hit me with my own shoe." Mindy was happy to take them off now.

"Danny cut the India trip short just because your feminine eccentricities got the best of you?"

"Hey," Mindy threatened him with one shoe. "No," she deflated a little. "He's still there with Leo. I'm the only one who got sent home."

"Oh," he cooed gently, rubbing her arm. "It's not your fault. It's your hormones."

"Whatever," Mindy said. She took comfort in the attempt despite the sentiment.

"And your parents are okay with him treating you like that?" His other hand raised to rub her other shoulder.

"They agreed with him." Mindy felt even worse when she thought about it.

Jody was concerned. "Why would they do that to you?"

Mindy shrugged. "It's not like I knew that old lady would end up in the hospital when I _defended_ myself," she griped quickly. "And jokes on him because I didn't have to pay for my return ticket."

"Whatever the reason, I'm glad you're back, Mindy." He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek.

Mindy froze, her mouth open. Jody lingered, his face close.

Jody's head tilted…but suddenly stopped. "You took a trip to another continent without a preplanned return ticket?"

Mindy stared at him blankly. "Yes?"

Jody's arms dropped and he looked away. "I should probably get going. Leave you and Mr. Harvey to it."

But he didn't move.

"Why don't you stay?" Mindy asked quietly.

"Really?" He was thoroughly looking at her now. "To watch the game show?"

Mindy snapped out of it. "Yeah. Yep. The family game show."

"Okay."

"Really?" She wasn't expecting him to say yes.

"I'm still pretty drunk." He ran a hand through his hair.

"Ah, right. That explains it. Why don't you go turn me on? I mean the TV, turn the TV on. Maybe I can find some pop tarts or something."

Jody shuddered and headed towards Mindy's couch.

She decided to go and change into PJs because the clothes felt all gross after the long hours at the airport and on the plane. She then rummaged through her fridge and found a handful of snacks that would do for one of her favorite half-hour programs.

"Good news, I found a pint of vanilla Ben & Jerry's in the back of the freezer."

Jody looked up from the TV and his face immediately lit up. It caught her off guard. She was wearing her glasses and felt more than a little self-conscious. "What?"

"Your sleepwear is just as colorful as I imagined it would be." He caught himself. "Not that I've thought about it."

She surreptitiously glanced down. They were a dark blue patterned with large red roses.

Jody cleared his throat. "You told me once that buying vanilla ice cream was the fourth step to becoming a devil worshiper."

"It still is. But Danny was always buying this stuff because he thought that since I didn't like it, I wouldn't eat it. Boy, was he wrong," she said with a grin. "Now," she set down her supplies on the coffee table: ice cream, plain corn chips, 2 spoons, and caramel topping. She would have her makeshift Americone Dream. She spread a helping of ice cream on a chip and drizzled sauce on it. "Try it, and tell me it's not one of the best things on the planet."

He looked at it in distaste. "I think not."

Mindy munched it away. "Don't give me that look. You told me you've eaten roadkill."

"Uncle Rudy is actually a culinary master and you shouldn't judge a food by its – oh," he said, somewhat uncomfortably. She zoomed another prepared chip at him "Fine."

He opened his mouth and she popped the chip in. She hadn't been graceful and a bit of the ice cream dripped from the corner of his mouth. She ran a finger over it and sucked on it – just out of the desire not to waste the cream, she told herself.

He swallowed hard, his eyes never leaving that finger.

"Did you like it?" She asked.

"I did," he admitted.

"Do you – want more?"

"I would like that very much." But instead of going for a spoon, he leaned in close and caught Mindy's chin with his hand. His mouth swiftly met hers and his tongue invaded of its own accord.

Mindy found herself responding in kind and had already half crawled into his lap before she pulled away and started to shake her head.

The kiss had been messy and dry at the same time. "That did nothing for me," she admitted. But her hands were still on his thighs and she was still close.

"Nor I," Jody said, breathless.

"No physical reaction, whatsoever. Besides a little heartburn from the ice cream," she allowed.

"I have tums in my coat pocket."

One hand went to caress his slightly stubbly cheek. "Of course you do."

Their eyes met. They went at it again.

He swiftly tugged at her long pajama pants and she stopped grinding against him only long enough to help him slid them off. She'd gone commando. She popped him out from the little slit in his boxers with one hand – God, men had awesome clothes – and was fully prepared to use her mouth, but found him already hard.

She sent a silent prayer of thanks to the universe and dug around under the couch cushion with the awfully wonderful distraction of his fingers at her lady parts. Her probing hand found a little foil package. She ripped it open with her teeth and slipped it on easily.

"Aren't we going a little fast?" Jody asked.

"Shut up," she gave him two quick, hard closed mouth kisses before delving deeper and sucking his tongue into her mouth. Then, she slid one leg over his and started to ride him. "Oh, yes," she breathed in relief as a quick euphoria began to take over down under.

"Mindy," he said in tense way. His hands gripped her waist hard.

She came just as Steve Harvey announced himself and Jody came at the sudden rush of wetness. She collapsed on him with a happy smile he wrapped his arms around her as his hips jutted a couple more times.

She lay there for a couple minutes, basking in the euphoria that was Steve Harvey and Jody and her orgasm.

"Mindy?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you think?" he asked. His arms were still around her.

Mindy was unsure of how to answer. "That was like...having sex with my grandfather."

He gave her an alarmed look.

"It's okay," she said quickly. "I can say that. I've never met him."

His head tilted and his mouth opened, but she cut him off.

"How soon can you go again?" she asked.

"So you liked it? You like…me?"

Mindy put a hand on his chest. "I usually have to lie and say that I never come that quickly. But I really, I mean, it wouldn't be a lie. This time."

"So you do?"

Just then, a loud thud from her apartment window alarmed Mindy so much she fell off the couch. She tugged on her PJ bottoms and Jody had readjusted himself just as Morgan appeared at the couch, holding two small dogs. "Hey, guys! Is it all right if we come in?" He set the dogs down.

Mindy was shaking her head, but Morgan had already turned his back.

"I'm going to need to make multiple trips. They're on the fire escape," he called back.

"Why are you here, Morgan?!" Mindy yelled.

He dropped off two more dogs. This time, they were medium-sized. "I had a fight with Colette."

"You had better not upset my sister, you strange, strange man."

Morgan pointed a finger at Jody. "Your sister should have told me she was a cat person. Her precious little 'Princess of Meowkovia' scratched Bones' nose." Morgan went back for more dogs.

There was a knock on Mindy's door and Jody went to answer. Colette barged in. "Hey guys, I'm just looking for – Morgan!"

Morgan set down two large dogs and looked at her in horror. "How did you find me?"

"You Facebook Live everything. I saw you get mugged on the way here. We have to work this out."

Morgan teared up. "There is nothing to work out."

Colette turned to Mindy and Jody. "As long as I'm here, I could really use your help." She pulled out a tiny little kitten from her jacket pocket. "Should I name her after Ellen Page or Ellen DeGeneres? I know my personality screams DeGeneres, but my looks are 100% Page."

"Now is not the best time, Colette," Jody said gently.

Morgan gasped in horror. "You brought that thing here?"

The dogs, having caught scent of the mewling cat, began barking relentlessly.

Mindy looked mournfully at her TV and – "God damn it, the backup ice cream melted!"


End file.
